When I was growing up in Maine my world consisted of a tiny town on the top of the United States. My worldview was pretty small. We didn't travel much. We didn't hike much. I never skied. (ok once, and it sucked). We had woods and those, for me, were magical.
I had a postcard of Colorado. I was fascinated by it. It looked un-real; it was like a mythical place of beauty. But not in a million years did I imagine I would live there. Places like that were exotic. So far away.
And then I got brave. I left home. I questioned religion. I discovered hiking. I discovered that I could run..far. I discovered that I had a strength inside of me that I had never tested. It was exciting. It was a new, rather intoxicating feeling.
When I was 25 I went on a week long trek through the woods, alone. I walked in one person, I walked out another. On that walk I realized that I wanted the challenge of exploring new places. I wanted to leave my comfort zone. So I did. I moved to California. That was the juncture where I left my family and said I was going to do this life thing on my own. And so I went. Nearly penniless but full of hope.
Sometimes it really sucked. Sometimes it was unimaginably great. All of the time it allowed me to challenge myself to exist in new situations.
And then somehow I ended up in Colorado. Festivals, nursing school, new relationships were the draw. Life somehow blew me in that direction.
Then things got real. Good friends. A boyfriend turned husband. A child. Home ownership. Suddenly I was no longer a bird, but a tree with roots sinking deeper and deeper. Sometimes I am still mystified that the awkward girl from northern Maine ended up in that enchanted place that seemed so far away.
And so I've been realizing this, slowly along the journey, that we really do create those realities. We hold the vision, we do the work, and suddenly, the world opens up to us, like a pearl for the taking. Who we are, how we choose to be, our reactions are all a part of us either being brave, or not. I've learned that both are okay. It doesn't take a person to be brave to make them be good. But it is a choice to be good. It is a choice to recognize that who you are in the world matters. It takes a heart full of love and likely sadness to realize that you, yourself, are extremely special and important. It takes hardships and trials to give you the opportunities to let you prove yourself, to yourself. And you do. Or you don't. Either way you still get a choice. You still get to be good.
Not only did I move to Colorado, mostly Denver for many years, but now suddenly I live in the place of that postcard. It is outside my door. The mountains that loom over this valley are why we decided to uproot. We knew they were special and we knew we could experience amazing things near them.
But life got hard here. There were adjustments. I had to uproot my tree that was so nicely settled. My experience was colored by a work environment that didn't allow me to feel valued, and this, coupled with so many other life events, was my struggle. It still is but yet again, I get that choice. I get to be good. I get to believe in myself and I get to be brave.
I went to a women's retreat last week, no women I knew except for the one friend that brought me. Imagine 20 or so amazing women, playing music around a campfire, eating good organic food, telling each other where we are in life, what our intentions are. This. This was what I was searching for. This was what I needed to find. And there I was. Under a full moon surrounded by women who were also brave and good. And I was filled with such gratitude. And I remembered that I get a part in this, in this creating. I remembered that life is full of choices. I remembered that I am good and that I matter.
I believe it is important to surround yourself with people that support you. You support them. Life is not a competition but a dance that we must do with each other. I remember, in this time of adversity, this time of transition, that I get a choice. Though I'm far from perfect, ultimately, I go with goodness. It fits best.
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