Heat Wave

Today the sun beats on us mercilessly; we weren't prepared for this. Schools close early, humans line up with jugs of water and gallons of milk. We close off the windows, hide from the light.

But the heat finds its way in. It settles over us like dirt sprinkled over seed. It tells us "you do not always get to be comfortable. I'm intense and sometimes I hurt."

and we bow because we want it to go away. But even the roar of the fans cannot drown out the truth of living. Sometimes the things we long for are the things that make us suffer.

**********

If someone tells you that they don't know how they will find their way home, tell them this. Tell them that once a mountain stood as a tiny speck of rock and it longed for the sky the way a heart longs to be seen.

Tell them that the only path to freedom is carved through the vessels of your own suffering spirit.

Tell them that the ones that lived in glory are only ghosts. Tell them the ones that always win will have the most to lose.

Tell them that there are stories of men who can walk through walls and put their hands through rocks
and how is this done when point A gets you to point B
and yesterday happened on friday
and tomorrow I am going to the market.

Tell them the tree that falls in forest may have never been real

and the hot, burning sun

is only a star.

Game of Thrones season finale, in GIFs. (originally published on 8/28/2017)

Since I clearly am the world's biggest procrastinator, here's my synopsis of GoT's season finale. 

Here's what I got.

red line

- Summer Nicklasson 4/10/17

I usually bypass articles that contain images that I know will be upsetting. But lately these articles come so frequently. Last week I bypassed the articles about the recent chemical attack in Syria. I know what I can take and what I can't. (It took me almost a full year to read about the Sandy Hook victims). But today I told myself that I should see these images, that putting my head in the sand doesn't make them go away. So I looked. And the world broke my heart again.I struggle every day with how much information is necessary to obtain in this world, especially when information, whether real or false, can come at you instantaneously. I do not want to be uninformed. Yet I am not convinced that me knowing this helps in any way. Yet if I feel the pain from these images do I not help contribute to the greater consciousness healing that is so desperate in this world? I have so many questions. Like so many, I'm moving forward with hope I'm doing this right, knowing that each moment can contain an emotion so opposite from the previous.

that punch

when you see images that make the world stop and you become

the mother of that gasping child, 

the 13 year old boy who lost 19 family members. 

you experience, for one, safe moment, a world you can barely dip your toes into,

a world where your own empathy grabs you by the neck and says

you must look at this. 

this happened

this is happening

and you don't know what to do

because these are images, and this place is far away

but these are children and you

you have children

and they are here, and they are good

and you realize that every moment you can say that is 

nothing short of everything.

under this roof, 

are beating hearts and skinned knees 

and hurt feelings and couch cuddles

but somewhere

someone has lost everything.

and I sit down to dinner knowing this

even when I forget it

and see what do i do? 

do i focus everything on these creatures that I get to call mine

(for now)

does the war torn horror go away when I divert my attention?

where is my own red line? 

what can I do? 

i'm so fucking angry.

i'm so fucking sad. 

i'm so fucking grateful. 

my heart and brain are playing pinball. 

no one
wins.