Just cause

They tell you things will change...and they were right.

Mike, Ellie and I just enjoyed a much needed weekend away. We went to Keystone and stayed in a fabulous condo and went to the World Music Festival. It was great...so nice to know that there is actually a world outside of our house. But as we enjoyed the weekend I couldn't help but notice how much things had changed for us. At this stage of parenting, there is just so much we can't do. We couldn't bike. Hiking was tricky. I couldn't drink because I'm breastfeeding. Where I would normally be dancing and having a grand old time in the sun at the festival, I found myself hovering in the shade to protect Eleanor's precious, always sleeping head. I remember looking over at Mike, as we sat in our shady spot, him doing a crossword puzzle, and thinking how far away we were from where we were last summer and the things that we did. Truth be told? I was kind of bored.

None of this is to complain. I wouldn't trade anything for Eleanor. I look at her and my heart melts. Even when she's fussy beyond belief and we are at our wit's end...she still lights up my heart. Sometimes she falls asleep on my chest and I sit and notice how my heart could literally burst with love for her. There are no words for that.

But the the differences in our lives are very evident. Our social networks are changing. I'm consistently late. Getting out the door is quite the fiasco. Finding time to workout is tricky at best. Spontaneity is not a word we use around here. Not now anyway.

Soon she will be bigger, sitting upright and taking it all in. She is still so new now. But I really look forward to her excitement for life and all of its new discoveries. There is absolutely nothing boring about that!

Greetings from my royal throne!!!

Ok, maybe not a royal throne, it's the couch actually, and this is where I am camped out. Being a new breastfeeding mom has really relegated me to to this little corner. And you'd know it's mine because at all times its covered with Martha Stewart magazines, my water bottle, my phone, remote controls, my PUMP, napkins, a clock, baby books and various other crap. This is where I spend, I'm guessing, about 30-40 hours a week (at least). This is a new kind of life for me now, well the Mom one for sure, but I'm talking about the sitting one. Baby's gotta eat and baby sure don't eat fast! So now there are new little things that keep me entertained:

• - pumping. I'm not a huge fan per se but if you're pumping and you hit one of those little milk resevoirs, well I'm sorry, that's almost as good as getting a really great blackhead. Almost.
• - True Blood. This is one hell of a good show (HBO) and (sorry Mike) I have an obscene teenage-like crush on the lead vampire. Oh my.
• - Facebook. Hate to love it, love to hate it.
• - Sex and the City reruns. I don't care how often I've seen it, those shows keep me so entertained. And one show = one feed just about. Good for the middle of the night feed.
• - Here's the big one: I went and bought the camera I have been lusting after for months!!!! So now I have to figure out how to use it.

Let's be clear. I'm not a total couch potato right now. I've got stuff to do and I try to get out and exercise at least once a day. But this (albeit temporary...I hope!) lifestyle of couch living seems to be the way I roll these days. So excuse me, the couch/baby is calling and I've got a perfect indentation of my ass to greet me!

Mama missed this more.

Being a mom is full time work, no doubt. And I have loved every second of it. But I won't lie to you, I've been poorly trying to ignore the glaring truth of what happened to my body after Eleanor. Who's mushy stomach is this? Who's marshmallow-y legs am I walking on?

The time has come to fight the bulge. Today I attempted my first run. Okay, jog. I still haven't met my 6-weeks ok from my doctor (it's been 4 weeks) but I trust my own intuition about my body than some arbitrary date. So I put the techno back on my ipod (I know, it's an exercise thing, I don't normally listen to techno) strapped those old New Balances to my feet and my God...it felt so GOOD!!! I didn't go far, and I have a long way to go to get back to my pre-pregnancy fitness, but still, there was sweat. And I really missed sweating. More than that I missed that beautiful high that you get when it's just you, the outside, and your own perseverance. This is what keeps me healthy, physically, but oh so mentally as well.

Other things that make today totally awesome:
- there are no tornado watches and it looks like no rain!
- the milk is here!
- I'm getting a haircut
- Mike has the day off
- I have the cutest baby I've ever seen

AMEN!

My little social butterfly

Little Eleanor (and her mommy) are blessed to have so many babies around to play with...all born within months (and even days) of each other! So far the social playtime has included grunting, eating, some cooing, and lots and lots of naps.

I'd love to see a snapshot of one year from now...

Eleanor with Jude and Zoe

Claire and Eleanor

Eleanor and Cyril

tough decision

Well after a lot of debate and thought and brainstorming it is with some sadness in my heart to write that Jackie Brown has left our family. She has returned to the no-kill shelter from which we got her. There were a number of reasons why this decision was made. Jackie is not really a "family" dog. She's not fond of other dogs and she's not fond of children. But the biggest reason is that she has a history of nipping at several people that have come to our home. My new parent defenses are too guarded now to forget this. It just takes once, and we can't let that happen.

But despite these reasons, I have to say that Jackie is a great dog, truly. She loved us fiercely, especially Mike. There are real voids in our home now and there is definite sadness attached to that. There's no dog to greet us at the door and no furry animal trying to bury her head on your lap.

I do believe this was the best decision. I know she is sad right now and that is the hardest part of all of this. I am praying that Jackie finds the perfect home.and that the sadness is soon replaced with joy for her new owners. We miss her, we really do. But in the long run, we did what we felt we had to do.

It does suck though.

Mama missed this.

I can't have too much of you, but it sure is nice having you around again.

Happy Birthday to my favorite husband!

34 years ago this amazing and beautiful person was born. I couldn't love him more!

Tonight we're celebrating by going out to dinner. And yes we will have a babysitter! For a couple of hours anyway. Then I'm sure we will be more than ready to get back home to our awesome daughter, who is also a Gemini. Like her mommy and daddy! Look out world!!


Happy Birthday baby!