See you next year, 4th of July. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.

Am I allowed to say that my July 4th royally sucked? Though I had 4 glorious days off Mike had to work for every single one. This meant no family outings except for a Rockies game on Sunday for which I had to leave early because I was having awful cramps. We didn't see any fireworks because it was pouring rain, and wouldn't have mattered anyway because Ellie would be sleeping. Didn't go out with our friends because of said sleeping. Though we did hear that they had a great time! Oh fourth of July....wake me when it's over, will you?

Oh wait, it is over. OK so I officially apologize for my bad attitude but hey if a girl can't have a bad attitude on her own blog then what's the point I ask? Anyway, things weren't that bad. Here are some very lovely things that happened in the past few days. These are the things I will remember when I think of July 4th 2010.

Seeing this flower on another hike. So pretty.

Ellie's new red wagon! Thanks so much Lala!

Eclipse!! Yes I saw it and yes I LOVED it. If you have followed this blog at all you know that I have a ridiculous love for the Twilight saga. And this movie only fed that fire. The cinematography was awesome, characters well developed, plot line well along. And then there were the abs. The beautiful, rock hard abs. I'll stop there. This is me and my good friend Betsy, enjoying a margarita before the show, reveling in getting out of the house!!!

 Narrowly missing a rainstorm while on a hike with my favorite little lady. Started pouring as soon as we reached the car!

Scoring some party suite seats at the Rockie's game. I had to leave early because I wasn't feeling so hot, but I hardly think I was alone because it was a 5 hour game. Ellie loved it. Go Rockies!

Ah, rain in the sun. Seeing it rain through the streams of sunlight is such a sight to behold. I do love a good rainstorm.

Her. She is the most beautiful thing in every one of my days. Man is she getting big or what??!? Helping her mama fold laundry. Ah, pretty soon you'll be doing it on your own kid!  :)

sweet little sunday

planting the vegetable garden, clothes on the line, hiking in Boulder, quaint italian eatery, Ellie loving penne, napping, party planning, chai lattes, knitting a sweater, strolling through town, baby wearing for hours, perusing book stores, house chianti, freshly mopped floors, peppermint tea

Changing with the seasons.

Why do I do this myself? I'm sitting in the living room having put the munchkin down for a nap and I'm so joyously drinking my warmed up coffee and geeking out on facebook, but the
monitor, oh the freaking monitor! Sitting right next to my head while I listen to Ellie cry in her crib, inflicting some wierd sort of physical response that I liken to a type of ptsd. Sure, sure I could turn it off. But here's where the demon/angel comes into play, because to turn off this torture device of sound I could very well by missing something, like say, Ellie trying to fling herself out of her crib or get a limb stuck in the bars.

I know why moms change when the baby comes. Why they can go from relatively down to earth people to absolute stress cases.

It's because you love your baby. You love your baby so very much that you can't imagine even for a moment that something bad would happen to your baby. That for something bad to happen to your baby you would surely curl up and die from grief, it is that intense. And so really when baby comes it's almost as though your lifeline exists not just in you anymore, but in this little teeny tiny person that is mischevious and curious and into everything. Yes, it is very intense.

I've said it before but I have a deep and profound respect for all mothers everywhere that let their children get into cars with their friends. And get their licenses.

Anyway, babies become toddlers. Toddlers become kids. And they just get sturdier and sturdier. Thank freaking God. Because when I look back to how I felt those first few months, well let's just say my hair is miraculously not completely gray. Anyway, the point of that rant is that Ellie is getting sturdy, and when we start our day together we can really do a whole lot now, just her and I, like go hiking, or out to eat, or shopping. In other words, live a semi normal life again!!! Woot woot!!

Man I love this freedom! And I love that it is spring! I love my freshly deep cleaned house. I love the warmth in the air. I love the creative energy that seems to be swirling all over the place!

Here are some other things that I am currently loving:
Pandora. Station of the week is Patti Griffin. (love her!)
The library. Did you know you can check out like a million books at once and they're cool with that?
Veggie patties, best baby dinner ever.
Satsuma essential oil. Just ran out, must buy more!
Knitting.
Working nights. Yes I actually do love it. Especially when I have no visits and get to sleep in my bed all night and get paid for it.
My ergo wrap
Sitting outside on the picnic table with the family for dinner.
Neighbors working outside.
New little plant buds sticking their heads out in the world.

Changing of the seasons is always so cool. It's like a new lease on your days.

Hello December

Hello December
Hello start of winter.
Hello freezing noses.
Hello cozy naps.
Hello soups and stews.
Hello warm fuzzy sweaters.
Hello teeny tiny days.
Hello fireplace.
Hello indoor fun.
Hello Christmas!

snowed in

Could there be anything more delicious than being stuck inside on a snowy evening with your amazing family, a fireplace, good food, good health, good music. I just feel like I have such an unbelievable amount to be thankful for.

Today I bought some toys for Ellie. I've never liked buying toys before, kind of hated it actually. I never knew what to get and never enjoyed the amusement. But those little rings on a stick made me as excited to buy as Ellie seemed to be receiving. Honestly I feel as though I have stepped right back into my childhood. Here I am staring out the window at this snowy sky and my mind is reeling to my childhood days. Days when we'd get up for school, knowing it was snowing, listening to the radio for the school cancellations, running outside in all our warm winter best to have the most terrific snow filled days of sledding and snow forts and hot chocolate and loving homes. And the images are so perfect, like a dream scene out of a movie. And I can't stop thinking about Ellie, and what she's going to feel, and her childhood experience. And I just want it to filled with so much warmth and love. With so many crafts and homemade dinners. With laughter. Silly games. Hugs. Creativity. Self-expression. The feeling when you walk through the front door that you are just where you belong.

I am thankful every second of the day that I have this family of mine. And when Mike comes into the room wearing his sock cuff arm bands he made, my scarf and doing a funny little Mike dance it just makes me beam inside. We are all perfect together, all three of us. I hope I never forget the joy that I feel right now.

p.s. I'm getting wicked Christmas fever....

Why I love the morning.

Each morning I awaken with my child at my side, nursing, eyes open. "Good morning. Good morning. It's time to get up" I say in sing song. She smiles. She always smiles. We start our day. I love holding her in the morning, so soft and mushy, so happy and rested. We go to our stations. Diaper, clothes, coffee. This child will certainly know about coffee. We play. Pattycakes, tickle time, laugh at each other. Then sleep comes quickly. She lays in her crib and then I'm gloriously alone. I light my oil burner, each morning, a new scent. A new start. A second cup of coffee. I pick up random things. I sit at my laptop. I look at my day, determine the weather, look at my plants, get some yogurt. And listen to silence.

sunday

wet earth, fresh coffee, heat on for the first time, cozy blanket, snuggly baby, no agenda, morning stretches, edith piaf french classics, poached eggs on toast.

Oh yeah....come to mama!

I thought to myself last night that perhaps it was wierd that I wanted to go to bed just so I could get up and have my morning cup of coffee. I couldn't wait. Could not wait. Why did the nighttime have to take so darn looooong?

This isn't my first post about my love of coffee, and I think it's safe to say that I'm hooked. That might explain that deep seeded joy that I get when I smell those moutwatering beans. And those days when sometimes, just sometimes, Mike gets up and puts a pot on for me (he hates it...)(I know.) and I feel just like a cartoon with the smell hitting my nose and essentially pulling me out of bed like a rope was attached to me. My mom once said it was like having a warm hug and I thought you know, that mom, she's on to something there.

But I know why I love it. Because, well not only does it taste good, it means something. It means a fresh start, a new day. That morning cup says that the day is my oyster, and that cup of coffee is setting it up. And I love fresh starts. Especially the coffee flavored kind.

Mama missed this.

I can't have too much of you, but it sure is nice having you around again.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!

When the storms come in and the frost is near
I always know I have you here,
your clean warm water as I dunk my head
makes me forget all things said.
You can not disturb me when I'm in such bliss
I never knew love could be like this.
Oh bathtub of mine, my faithful friend
The perfect finish to any day's end.


What???? You know you feel the same way!

tiny little clothes

We spent the weekend trying to create our nursery. I loved every second of hanging up the clothes. Little teeny tiny clothes. Our little teeny tiny girl.

I can't wait to meet her.

feeling like a winner!

Imagine my surprise when I was toot-toot-tootin along my little truck the other day and I called into KGNU for a prize I didn't even catch and I, like, WON! This has never happened! Turns out I won tickets to see Junior Brown at the Fox in Boulder.

So after a great dinner at The Sink, it was a fun night of good ol' rockabilly! (Mike's favorite)


The little catch that I haven't yet disclosed is that you needed to be a member of KGNU to actually get the tickets, so I ended up paying the $30 to join. So they weren't necessarily free, but I am supporting a great station that I do listen to nearly every single day, and it was a tax write off, PLUS they sent me a free cd. So whatever. I don't care what ya'll say, I'm still saying that I'm a winner! And my conscience can be clear next time they do one of their pledge drives.

joys

Christmas is almost here!
Here are some of my joys of the seasons.
- the snow on the ground, my growing belly, watching Ellen and cracking up, incense, the smell of pine, walking into a room with a good humidifier, buying Christmas presents, nestling in for the night, Christmas music, Ceramics in the City, clementines, great neighbors, lit up houses, laughing with Mike, the power of my dirt devil, and sweaters.

maybe it's because it's christmastime

Denver is frozen tonight, with temperatures to get to -15 degrees!
This is a night to be thankful for our homes.

Today I did something I hadn't done in a while. I went to church with my neighbor, Jessica. And you know the funny thing...I loved it! I grew up going to a Methodist church, and that experience offered so much richness to my childhood. My mom and I always sung in the choir and were real active in our church community. And that's what it was for me...a community. I missed it.

Going to church is something I stopped doing years ago, mostly because I don't really buy into it anymore. My faith developed outside of the church. It developed as I discovered my love of hiking and going into nature. It was in this environment that I felt the most holy. And this is not something I got out of a church. I don't believe in every word of the bible. I appreciate its message and its stories, but I don't believe I'm going to heaven because I accept Christ. This just doesn't make sense to me. The world is too vast for such an isolated ideology.

Yet the world is so beautiful, and full of so much mystery, that I do believe in something. What it is I can't tell you. I just know that I can tap into it when I'm in beautiful surroundings, or when I share a smile with a stranger, or when I think about this life growing inside of me. There are unexplainable miracles that occur everyday and I don't think there is a denomination of Christianity that can contain it.

Yet I loved my experience today. I listened to the beautiful choir sing John Rutter's "Gloria" and it gave me chills. I loved every second of singing out of the hymnal and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting so many nice people afterwards in the dining hall. It was all of the elements of church that fill me up. It makes me inclined to return, to be able offer the same richness to my daughter. My faith does not lie in the church's doctorine. But there is a faith. I'm not sure if the two can merge, but I am entertaining the idea.

traditions

It's over. Thanksgiving has come and gone and now we are officially in the Christmas season. I love the holidays. I love the traditions and the songs and the lights and the presents and the good cheer and the food. I love watching classic movies like the Sound of Music and a Christmas Story. I love eating port wine cheese balls. I love the snow. I love the carols. I love Christmas crafts. I love all the baking.

Christmas makes me long for family. Not just my Mike family, but my family family, the one I've had since birth. Christmas just isn't the same without that crazy banter. No one will sing Christmas carols like Mom and no one but myself and my mom know every single word to the entire movie The Sound of Music. No one appreciates being forced to listen to Twas a Night before Christmas like my sister. No one insists on a Christmas eve present in the morning like my brother. And of course no one will give me fake poop or vomit and always always always leave an orange in the toe of the stocking like my dad did.

In any case, situations change, families grow up, grow out, but traditions do not have to die. Mike and I have our own family now with a new addition arriving in Spring of 2009. And you can bet your bottom dollar that that little child will appreciate anything ever done by Julie Andrews, will be crazy for christmas crafts, and will grow up with the same rich memories that still make me smile inside every time the holidays roll around. '

And then all of the holiday goodness comes around full circle.

And I think that's pretty cool.

The book fairy came this weekend!!

Well this weekend brought about one major accomplishment for me: I actually got into a book. I have like 10 books by my bed, from all different genres, and I read them for a day or two, get bored, pick up another one, maybe revisit the old one. There's no committment. And I really wanted commitment. I wanted to feel utterly in love with a book. I wanted to crave it first thing in the morning and hardly be able to tear myself away from it for the entire day.

Since I'm a sucker for love stories I picked up "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriela Garcia Marquez, only I picked it up like 2 months ago. And it took me almost 2 months to get through the first 50 pages. (see?) But I told myself there has GOT to be potential in this book, I mean look at the title! And I think they just made a movie out of it. So I dragged my tired pregnant body to 24 hour fitness saturday morning, plopped myself in one of those recumbent bikes that looks as though one could actually take a nap in it, got out my book, and before I knew it I had biked for an hour! Woah! What just happened here? Did I get bitten by the book fairy?

Yes it appears I have because, though it's not the infatuating love I had craved, it's a good steady love that kept me coming back for more all weekend long. So, given my new love affair with my book and a pretty gorgeous weekend, here's my summary of this weekend, 2008.

- Getting into a book, a Venezualan dinner party, massive amounts of time in the mirror admiring my growing belly, awesome homemade chili by Mike, a 20 mile urban road ride, catching up on Heroes via the internet, a trip to the asian market, eating an entire watermelon by myself (not uncommon), and dinner at La Fondue!

This weekend

Shepard's pie, sleeping in, our two year anniversary, a fancy dinner on the town, cleaning cleaning cleaning, a good cry at home with a sad movie, actually going to the movies, a nice hike, playing the guitar, domestic massages, fresh baked chocolate chip and butterscotch cookies, and having a sassy old Jewish friend over for dinner.

No idea where.

This weekend we're going to drive, no idea where. And stay in some hotel, that takes dogs. No idea where. And eat at some local place, like a diner. But no idea where. And we'll blast Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again", like we always do, as we drive out of town. To no idea where.

Gluttony!

Blogs are great for being able to convey words, images, sometimes sounds. But blogger lacks me today because I cannot convey TASTE. And I wish I could share some wickedly wonderful tastes right now.

The Denver Food and Wine Classic was soooo wonderful. Tons of great Denver restaurants offering fine delicacies, and for every restaurant there were probably three wineries! I most certainly consumed my calorie quota for the week, all in just 4 teeny tiny hours.

And yes, we did manage to bike home....wobbly, but safe.


A food presentation by the "Denver 5"


Mike waiting to get some grub from the Tamayo booth.


The perfect taco.


Don't talk to me, I'm having a moment here!


I mean seriously!


This is Mike with Goose Sorenson of Solera. I had to take this picture because I think Goose is Mike's "eye twin". I mean look at those eyes...it's like seeing a long lost brother! And come to find out, he is Swedish like Mike.


Perfection.

Who doesn't love a fun guy?

Mushrooms are neat-o.