I went away.

I used to live in San Francisco, just before I moved to Denver. I loved it there. I loved the amazingly beautiful landscape. I loved special people. I loved making music with my friends. I was supported in such a spiritual way. But some other force led me away to Denver. Even though my family had just decided to join me in California (from Maine). Even though I had beautiful friends. Even though I had love. Some powerful and invisible force spoke to me. It made no sense really, but it was so loud. And so I listened.

I go back to the bay area now and it feels bittersweet. Life keeps moving on even though I am gone. I know it, I expect it, yet still there is a sting. I feel joy and sadness. There is so much that I miss. Part of me wants to contain it all. Part of me wants to put my feet into the never healthy waters of "what if". Part of me wants to sit on a rolling hill overlooking the Pacific Ocean and let emotions move me.

Part of me.
It is a part of me.
The people that I loved are a part of me.

There is a line in "Eat, Pray, Love" when the main character talks about her incredible sadness she feels about missing an old love. The wise advice she received was "So miss him. Then let him go."

I will let myself miss my former life there. Then I will let it go.

I regret nothing in this life. Nothing. I spent the last 5 days holding the tiny hand of my beautiful daughter and showing her all sort of magical things that the Bay Area has to offer. My heart overflowed.

My life is just where it is supposed to be.

I will always return to that beautiful part of the world, which now hosts my mother and brother's family. I will always see it through the rich memories it gave me, and for the ones yet to be created.