traditions

It's over. Thanksgiving has come and gone and now we are officially in the Christmas season. I love the holidays. I love the traditions and the songs and the lights and the presents and the good cheer and the food. I love watching classic movies like the Sound of Music and a Christmas Story. I love eating port wine cheese balls. I love the snow. I love the carols. I love Christmas crafts. I love all the baking.

Christmas makes me long for family. Not just my Mike family, but my family family, the one I've had since birth. Christmas just isn't the same without that crazy banter. No one will sing Christmas carols like Mom and no one but myself and my mom know every single word to the entire movie The Sound of Music. No one appreciates being forced to listen to Twas a Night before Christmas like my sister. No one insists on a Christmas eve present in the morning like my brother. And of course no one will give me fake poop or vomit and always always always leave an orange in the toe of the stocking like my dad did.

In any case, situations change, families grow up, grow out, but traditions do not have to die. Mike and I have our own family now with a new addition arriving in Spring of 2009. And you can bet your bottom dollar that that little child will appreciate anything ever done by Julie Andrews, will be crazy for christmas crafts, and will grow up with the same rich memories that still make me smile inside every time the holidays roll around. '

And then all of the holiday goodness comes around full circle.

And I think that's pretty cool.

Thanksgiving

One day my body will start to fail,

my mind may start to wander,

my heart could break in two,

my optimism start to wane.

But today, on this day,

my hands can not write of

anything except joy.

My life is blessed.

My heart is grateful.

I hope all of you have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Feed me Seymor!

I had a nutrition teacher in college who I absolutely loved. She was so wise, so right on. She was one of those people I wanted to be like. There were two pieces of wisdom that she passed down to us that I took to heart because I loved her so, and I locked it in my brain so as never to forget. One is that the New York Times is the best place to receive your news, it's innovative and well researched, especially their tuesday science section. So I immediately got a subscription. She also said that there are two days that you can forget anything you ever thought about your diet: your birthday, because you deserve it, and thanksgiving, because the whole day is about EATING (note: NOT christmas). So, given that,

Thursday is Thanksgiving, my almost favorite holiday of the year! And thanksgiving dinner is most indubitably my FAVORITE meal of the year. Especially this year, because as I have recently discovered,

this pregnant lady is HUNGRY!

Hey now. That hoodlum's got potential!

We have sketchiness in our alley all the time. Those crazy men that roll through, pilfering through the dumpsters, the break ins, and the "tags" that always seem to appear in the mornings. This neighborhood is wonderful about rallying together to clean things up and we definitely watch each other's backs. But we do live in a highly urban area, so you know, there's only so much you can do.

Anyway, the house directly behind us in the alley gets tagged all the time, a simple black tag that I can never read. And some kind neighbor will clean it up. But this morning THIS appeared. Wow. Now this wasn't your everyday tag. This took some effort.

That garage is kind of badass now. I wonder if anyone will repaint it.

Estrogen, prolactin, progesterone...oh MY!

By geez, I think they got me.

It seems those little buggers have taken a nose dive right into the middle of my brain. They're making me feel a little bit nutso here. That must have been them when I came home bawling buckets because I got a ticket. They must be the reason I've been even more dingbatty than usual. They're what's making me frumpy and tired. They're making me irritable. They're turning me into little Nelly Nincompoop.

Long live the myth of men trying to understand what it is like to be a woman. Impossible task! They don't know what's it like to be going along in the world as your person, lah-di-dah, and then one day your brain gets hijacked with these little tiny molecules and then you are not the same. You lose control. You have NO FREAKING idea why you feel like you do, why you want to scream at someone, why commercials make you cry, why you want to go to bed at 8pm every night. Only that you do. You must.

How smart Mike was to go out with his friends this evening because queen sobby over here went and watched Love Actually. And then Sex in the City. And then I looked at a bunch of baby pictures on the internet and read all kinds of young mom posts and had the crazy epiphany that "Oh my God, I'm really having a WHAT? A BABY?".

I'm going to be a mom????!!!!

I need a tissue. And maybe some chocolate.

Ok, he got me.

My grandmother is so super cool; I just couldn't love her more. I've noticed that in her older years she has this new habit to giving away things that belong to her when you visit. Which I have to admit I love; she's got the best relics. Last time I visited her she sent me home with this, because she was convinced Mike would like it.

It's a head figurine that she got in Alaska decades ago and I remember it always being on her walls as a child. I'm not sure why she thought Mike would like it but he does, though we've not really found a home for it yet.

Anyway, this isn't such an exciting story really.

But imagine it's getting late. You're tired. Time for bed you guess. Get on those pajamas. Start to shut down. Gotta brush those teeth. Open up the medicine cabinet to get your toothbrush, and...

OMG!
He's such a little shit.

The book fairy came this weekend!!

Well this weekend brought about one major accomplishment for me: I actually got into a book. I have like 10 books by my bed, from all different genres, and I read them for a day or two, get bored, pick up another one, maybe revisit the old one. There's no committment. And I really wanted commitment. I wanted to feel utterly in love with a book. I wanted to crave it first thing in the morning and hardly be able to tear myself away from it for the entire day.

Since I'm a sucker for love stories I picked up "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriela Garcia Marquez, only I picked it up like 2 months ago. And it took me almost 2 months to get through the first 50 pages. (see?) But I told myself there has GOT to be potential in this book, I mean look at the title! And I think they just made a movie out of it. So I dragged my tired pregnant body to 24 hour fitness saturday morning, plopped myself in one of those recumbent bikes that looks as though one could actually take a nap in it, got out my book, and before I knew it I had biked for an hour! Woah! What just happened here? Did I get bitten by the book fairy?

Yes it appears I have because, though it's not the infatuating love I had craved, it's a good steady love that kept me coming back for more all weekend long. So, given my new love affair with my book and a pretty gorgeous weekend, here's my summary of this weekend, 2008.

- Getting into a book, a Venezualan dinner party, massive amounts of time in the mirror admiring my growing belly, awesome homemade chili by Mike, a 20 mile urban road ride, catching up on Heroes via the internet, a trip to the asian market, eating an entire watermelon by myself (not uncommon), and dinner at La Fondue!

Fun with holiday photos

I used to watch my friend Darci's kids, Olivia and Austin. They were so adorable and I really just love those little munchkins to pieces! I just stumbled upon these photos from last year and they make me laugh. This is me trying to get creative for a potential christmas pic. Poor little unsuspecting shepard children. They were such good sports!

Say hello to the little baby Jesus, kids!

This weekend

Shepard's pie, sleeping in, our two year anniversary, a fancy dinner on the town, cleaning cleaning cleaning, a good cry at home with a sad movie, actually going to the movies, a nice hike, playing the guitar, domestic massages, fresh baked chocolate chip and butterscotch cookies, and having a sassy old Jewish friend over for dinner.

November 7 will always hold this.

Love. It finds us and takes hold. It makes impressions that are deep, that become a part of your very person. And at some point everything must go, and you are left wide open and exposed. Holes get filled in with grief. Grief slowly changes. Eventually it becomes something more tolerable, then becomes something you can live with.

Then, one day, it becomes gratitude.

These past four years without you have been a journey, and I've become a different person because of it.

Today I walk with gratitude,
for you will always be a shining star in my sky.

Yup, I'm still pregnant.

This is a good thing. When I look back I can't believe I let the cat out of the bag so early. ( a true testament to my completely impatient nature). But soon we'll be at 12 weeks, which is 3 months for any of those who are bad at math, which technically isn't the end of the first trimester yet but it's still a milestone. And for an impatient gal like me, milestones are all I have to look forward to,

because 40 weeks is one helluva long time.

In any case, my body is changing I tell ya! I officially can no longer suck in my belly. That little puddy part just won't stick itself back in! This is clearly something I must get used to because it's only going outward from here! And my boobs feel like they've grown hundreds of new nerve endings. And I have pretty nails!

Honest disclaimer: I'm scared about getting fat and ugly. There. I said it. I was fat once, for a short time in college and I was really unhappy about it. I hated going out and my self-esteem plummeted. Then I discovered the power of exercise and I was a changed woman, never returning to my old marshmallow face again. Now it's just a part of my lifestyle.

Then comes pregnancy where you can NOT diet. Fine, I can live with that. But it's the exercise that gets to me. I'm a pretty fit person and exercise is a daily routine for me. Now I find myself getting POOPED with any extended amounts of activity. Running has turned to walking. Going to the gym has turned to one more run on the snooze alarm. And it gets me down, because I really don't want to let myself go because I'm now a baby maker. So I'm trying to rally, and trying to be gentle with myself and my neuroses, and hopefully that fine balance will appear. And hopefully my energy level will pick up a bit, too.

We as woman do a LOT in this whole recreationism thing. This is no small feat.

rant for the day. Have a great tomorrow!

Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Halloween. Welcome to November!!

South Dakota...who'd of thunk it?

South Dakota is a flat, flat place. And windy as all hell. Like really, incredibly windy. And did I mention flat? It's pretty flat.

That is until you get to the Badlands, which sort of pop out of no where and look all freaky and spire like in the horizon. We got there right at sunset and it was so pretty that we acted like little children playing at a brand new playground. It was so much fun.

Mt. Rushmore was pretty cool, too. But you already knew that.

Please pardon the drool but there's a box in the backseat!

Mike and I went to a wedding in Minnesota this weekend. And what exactly does Minnesota have that Denver does not? Ikea, of course. So we beelined it there, bought the most perfect and beautiful wardrobe for our bedroom. Which ended up being the size of the entire car we rented. Which meant that one of us was relegated to the back for the rest of our trip. Here's a common scene. Remember, I'm pregnant. And therefore very sleepy. ALL the time.

We stole away...

Far away. And the trip involves a rental car, a wedding, a trip to IKEA and lots of trees. I'll post more on Monday. Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend!

distance

Sometimes I open up a new post with no idea of what I'm going to write. This little story sort of fell out. I'm really not sure why. --Summer
________________________________________________

He walked to the edge of the lake, shoes off but
too cold to dip in. She sat in the car and waited.

They used to come here long ago, back when
there was never a reason, before the kids,
before the white hairs.
She watched him, toes playing in the sand.
She remembered a more youthful him yelling as he ran in top
speed, "Today I'm a fish and you can't catch me!"
She was always laughing. She used to watch him as he
adoringly gazed at her long dark hair,
glowing in the slanted afternoon light. Slanted
afternoons meandering into passionate evening kisses.

She honked the horn to get his attention,
immediately regretting so once she did.
He slowly put his shoes back on, returned to the car
and the two of them drove home in silence.

you know I just love him

Tonight I felt like my head was going to split in two. I was nauseous and vomitous, my muscles ached, and I felt more than just sick from being pregnant. I just felt sick. When I was a kid and I used to get sick there was only one thing I ever wanted: strawberry ice cream. I don't know why. I don't ever eat it unless I'm sick. But tonight the only thing that sounded really good was strawberry ice cream. So, unasked, he puts on his shoes though it's dark and rainy, and heads to the store. And he comes back with this.

He's a keeper I tell ya.

ch-ch-ch-Changes!

So I went out and got me a new job! Actually I've been in the interviewing process for over a month but I'm happy to say that as of friday, I am officially a nurse with the Denver Hospice. I know, what a change! ICU nursing to hospice? It's almost totally opposite ends of the spectrum. I feel a little awkward about leaving my ICU job, there are many people that I will miss. But you know what I will NOT miss?? Working nights! Oh my goodness, to rise with sun is heavenly to me. A zombie I will be no longer.

This job brings such sharp contrast to my life. I will be with people as they enter their final phase of life, and I'm caring a tiny little babe inside of me that will get brand new life. It's amazing. And I'm completely honored to be involved in both phases. Death reminds me of birth. It's one of the significant events that we must all face. To be with someone, holding their hand, offering to listen, this is what I call offering something to the world. And I want to feel that as a nurse.

It's alive!

Today we saw little cashew's heartbeat for the first time! Holy Toledo, this was so very, very cool to see. Being pregnant can seem so...esoteric. Supposedly there's a baby growing in you. You have all the symptoms, but you can't feel it, can't touch it, can't see it. It's wierd. So to actually have a visual was amazing, like really amazing.

I just hope that he/she stays put. Please don't go trying to leave, little cashew-ey, until your 9 months is up. We want you to grow up big and strong.

OK I just want to say this to any readers that may or may not be following this blog. This is NOT turning into a pregnancy blog. This is just a very new phenomena and these first few stages are sort of critical, ya know. But I'm not going to go through every single new development because frankly, that's boring unless you're me or Mike. I know this. I promise to still have interesting things to write about, or at least boring things that aren't pregnancy related. But I'm sure the baby stuff will sneak in, too every now and again. After all, I do have a HUMAN GROWING IN SIDE ME!

Wierd!!!

on top of the world

There are some times in my life where I stop myself in my tracks and say "Summer, you are truly happy right now." Right now I am feeling this. I absolutely adore being pregnant. I even kind of like getting morning sickness, just for the reminder of what's going on in my body.
And I couldn't appreciate Mike any more than I do right now. He is so wonderful and supportive and it lifts me up when I see him get so excited about our baby. It still feels wierd to write those words, "our baby". Really it's just a cashew sized thing right now. But it's our cashew and it's going to grow up to be one hell of a nut with the two of us for parents. And I think that's great. I really do.

I've been nervous about running. I've only run a few times since I found out I was pregnant and I really just don't think it's worth the fear. So I've taken up walking. Power walking. And maybe I don't get the cardio burn that I usually do with running, but I really like walking. The weather has cooled down quite a bit, so I bundle up, put on my ipod, grab Jackie Brown, and walk around Denver with the coolest high that I've ever had. I love my urban adventures and I look forward to them everyday. Needless to say, I'm not doing the Denver Marathon as I had previously blogged about before (and already paid for). I don't think little cashew-y could handle that at this point. Nor could mama cashew for that matter.

Time to let the cat out of the bag.

I can't stand it anymore. I am so bad at keeping secrets and my whole life is totally changed, so why not tell it to the world? Folks, I'm pregnant!

It's still early (8 weeks) and I know the first trimester is a very crucial time. Things could go wrong. They often do. (I'm reminded of a fellow blogger's confession during anatomy class that she was pregnant. And how she lost it. Happy ending though because she now has gorgeous twin girls.)

But with this life changing event consuming so many of my thoughts and actions, it's hard to find other things to blog about. Not that you need to know about the massive bouts of nausea and vomiting, or how I think I can feel my boobs actively growing, or about how I haven't had a real good poop in over a week. But you know, at least now the forum is open.

Plus should anything happen, anything bad, I'd want to write about that, too. So there it is.

In any case, please say prayers for our little bean inside of me. I've always wanted to be a mother and even though he/she is so small, I already love it so much.

I'm a zombie, and it ain't cuz it's Halloween.

It's because I work the night shift. I'm exhausted, can't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, yet my waking hours are a blur. I could just sit here on the couch all day and not even notice. It usually takes 2 days to recover. Then it's back to work. Ugh.

I don't like this.

So I know this is not a happy post. But I'm grumbly. And looking for a change. Unbalanced Summer = not a happy girl.

But there's this other thing. A good thing. Which I will tell you about soon.

It's the weekend!

Have a great weekend everyone. I'm still in Maine and happy to say it is still wonderful. Talk to you soon!

The beauty of being at Nannie's

• 
  
  Three square meals and lots of baked goods.
• 
  
  Going for a run and discovering a magical quarry.
• 
  
  Perusing the newest additions of homemade preserves.
• 
  
  A woodstove in the morning and fresh coffee.
• 
  
  A sunrise walk in the woods.
• 
  
  Stories and pictures of childhood.
• 
  
  A whole day without a lick of makeup.
• 
  
  Watching Patch Adams.
• 
  
  Helping with chores.
• 
  
  Salty air from the ocean.
• 
  
  Leaving with my arms full.
• 
  
  Leaving with my heart full.

Today is for aspens.

Colorado is yellow today. The aspens have turned and they are brilliant. I just love the gentle sound of their leaves clicking when the wind hits them. click. click. click-click-click.
The mountains here are spectacular. Breathtaking. They make me happy beyond words. I'm glad that I spent the day hiking and relishing. Tomorrow I leave for Maine and I've been acutely missing her ocean and scents and colors. And this is the perfect time of year to go. But I realize that I'm holding Colorado inside now. Even though I never really meant to. It's hard to believe that I've lived here for 2.5 years now.
Paths. You never now where they're going to take you.

beneath the soil

I spent the day on my hands and knees picking
roots the size of full grown ginger from the garden
and never realized the enormity of what continues on
in the darkness,
after you've left it for
another day.

- Summer 9/22/08

No idea where.

This weekend we're going to drive, no idea where. And stay in some hotel, that takes dogs. No idea where. And eat at some local place, like a diner. But no idea where. And we'll blast Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again", like we always do, as we drive out of town. To no idea where.

Tour de Fat comes to Denver!

The coolest festival in celebration of the BIKE. I mean really, the bike is one totally fab invention. The places you can go, the wind in your hair, the money you save on gas! Tour de Fat, brainchild of New Belgium Brewing Co, arrived to Denver with massive flair. It was costumed, vaudevillian, hippy, musical, creative, sassy and just downright fun.

If you live in a city and Tour de Fat comes to town, go. You'll be smiling the whole time.


like this guy.

a gospel choir! That takes beer breaks!


Jackie Brown rockin out the costume!


This bearded swiss miss lady definitely takes the cake.


And me with my little friend, Olivia. She's such a doll.


Nice bike.


Nice locks.


Nice moves.

Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!

in time

It's possible,

to entertain a wardrobe for some time, only to realize
you never really found your style.

To your right,

is an intersecting path, surely nowhere near as
comfortable as the path you walk every morning on the hour.
But it's there,
when you know you can not walk your road
any longer.

In time,

the burden of things that do not work
will weigh you down until your shoulders
break down
or you let go.

- Summer Richards, 9/12/08

changes

• The weather has shifted, a sharp contrast from the blazing heat of summer. The mad dash for favorite sweaters has begun...for today at least.

• My neighbor's fruit tree, formerly barren, exploded with peaches. They were juicy, sumptuous peaches that exploded all over the sidewalk, that fed the squirrels, other neighbors, and me, whenever desired.

• Saturday night I went to a bookstore. The lighting was soft yellow, accentuating. Teens were reading poetry to each other, couples read side by side. I walked the aisles, hot chai in hand, and let the massive circulating creativity fill me up.

• I don't know what this next season will bring. My energies from summer could use a little autumn healing.

Gluttony!

Blogs are great for being able to convey words, images, sometimes sounds. But blogger lacks me today because I cannot convey TASTE. And I wish I could share some wickedly wonderful tastes right now.

The Denver Food and Wine Classic was soooo wonderful. Tons of great Denver restaurants offering fine delicacies, and for every restaurant there were probably three wineries! I most certainly consumed my calorie quota for the week, all in just 4 teeny tiny hours.

And yes, we did manage to bike home....wobbly, but safe.


A food presentation by the "Denver 5"


Mike waiting to get some grub from the Tamayo booth.


The perfect taco.


Don't talk to me, I'm having a moment here!


I mean seriously!


This is Mike with Goose Sorenson of Solera. I had to take this picture because I think Goose is Mike's "eye twin". I mean look at those eyes...it's like seeing a long lost brother! And come to find out, he is Swedish like Mike.


Perfection.

Who doesn't love a fun guy?

Mushrooms are neat-o.

SOS...I'm too relaxed!

Would you believe me if I told you that I've been holed up in a little cabin in the woods, far removed from other human life (except Mike), stranded with no phone, no internet access, visited nightly by the wilds of the Rocky Mountains? Scary huh?

Well welcome to the new me! This is the MOST relaxed I have been in probably two years. It was great. Thanks to our friends Roger and Heather who were so very cool for donating their adorable little ranch house in Pagosa Springs. The week was spent mountain biking, walking, running, reading, taking pictures, playing the guitar, and a whole lot of relaxing.

Note: Here is one of the very best things ever:

It's morning. Sun's shining on your sleeping face. Time to get up you guess. Yawn! Stretch! Oh, you're still tired? Maybe just a little bit? Not quite totally ready to commit to getting up? Well GO BACK TO BED!!

Yes, one of the best things ever.

(Perhaps even second to getting water stuck in your ears, forgetting about it, and then having that warm flush of euphoria come pouring out at some random, unforeseen time.)

Oh, it's the little things in life.